Today i have choose to be alone at home. I don't know what am i thinking lately or maybe this is what i have thought since yesterday that makes me want to be all alone today. I am not sure whether is it my body that makes me feel this or is it how my bf treat me lately. He might sound like nothing happen and he is just fine as he always do. I know he is very busy with his work life because of us and soon he is going to back to school again for his A-Levels. I am trying to be understanding but i cannot helped myself not thinking negatively for a moment. I guess all girls are like that once in a while. Surprisingly it made me to write this blog and i have choose to write it here this website where all the bloggers do. I love to write especially about my feelings because i hardly get to express my feelings since i don't think i am that good in communicating when it comes to this kind of matters. Even we might want to find someone to talk to but you just know it wasn't enough because all the matters you going to talk about again its like its been repeated all over again. In this way i can express it in different kind of way. I am really tired today from working. I don't know is it because i didn't get to hear his voice today. I have been missing him as usual but i know i cannot do anything about it. He is far from me and it took around 2hours ride from my place to his place. It is not that impossible for us to meet but its always money that comes to priority because without it he cannot take bus to come here and have expenses here. Those money that he is keeping now is for us to get a new handphone and also for his own use when his going to starts school. I am really sad thinking that we might not meeting each other sa often as we do for these few months of his holidays. When school starts, we cannot meet each other anymore and i cannot have his confirmation on anything at all about us get to meet up. I know it will be hard for us but i don't know why i feel its so easy for him while i cannot take it.
Sometimes i feel myself so selfish about it and being not understanding. I cannot control my emotions its because i cannot helped it when i am getting worried over a lot of things that is going to happen soon. Even thou it is not going to be true or what so ever, but still i don't hope it to happen. I really love him. I just want him all by myself but i know its not going to work that way. I want to be patience in everything but i really cannot helped it when he treat me cold. I know he was facing mood swing last night that he don't talk much on the phone to me last night when i received his call at 4 in the morning. He slept late and i wonder what he was doing at home until that late to sleep? I know he might be playing games or checking his stuffs for his A-level or even reading his favorite comics but still, i feel insecure. I want to know from him and he don't want to tell. I know i cannot force him but i don't feel good. I don't like it that way so i am getting tired and just continue to sleep leaving him to himself til he finally slept. I am not sure what time he really gets to sleep but some how he sleep for 12hours then he woke up gave me a good morning message. You might think its enough for me but it is not because i want him to call me and to talk to me. I call a few times for him already but still no response. He pick up my call when its evening already today and he told me he was working now. I know he might have night shift since he works in cinema as a part time worker but still i do want him to tell me yesterday about this. He gave me an excuse saying i already sleep so if he told me i also cannot hear it anymore. I said u can tell me earlier right?I told him that i am not happy and tired of his bad mood that is why i went to bed early. Then he said he is busy for work already got to go and he said will call me later. Fine! I might be happy to hear his voice then and i must be patience cos he is really busy working. Maybe i really don't want him in the future because of work don't care about me anymore. I know i have been worrying about this a lot since i have read a story about something like this.
It is ridiculous. Being alone can just think about a lot of things. I might not be a good blogger or a good story writer or journalist like i want to be but i will try to do the best i can. Maybe u guys can helped me out to do the best^^
What i really want is to have a good book in the future...
My bf is really a nice guy but sometimes he really have bad habits that i don't like. It dosen't matter right?As long as you know that you have love the right person , i think all is worth to be and nobody is perfect in this world only GOD. We are only human and human make mistakes sometimes.
