My Heart Just Like A Tattoo~

What a day! Today at 10am i starts to go out with my sister, Justina and her two friends, Yvonne and Mun Yee. I am happy to meet both of my sister's friend since it was the first time i met them in person cos i always heard about them through my sister but never meet them before. They come from KL just to tattoo in Melaka since there is a popular tattoo shop which we know and its good so my sister recommend them to come here to have their tattoo done together. I did think about having a tattoo but i wasn't really ready for it so i just thought to follow them to go and have a look at how those thing works. We have our breakfast in town at a popular laksa small restaurant near St. Peter's church so that i can let them taste melaka's laksa. They think it taste great and cheap. After that we went to Mahkota Parade since our booking time is 2pm so we go there hang out to waste some time before its time. We went in Sasa shop since my sister wanted to buy the blackhead remover but at last she didn't buy anything at there and end up i am the one buying so many things there. Haha... I bought some nail accessories to change myself for a bit to look nicer. Hehe... After that i go meet Elizabeth awhile at her working place and have some chat and after that go to Clinique just to talk about my sister's face product things. After that we straight go to the tattoo shop named DJ Tattoo. There are two bosses there but the one that going to tattoo for them was the second boss named Jiro.

Then they start choosing what they wanna tattoo and everybody was keep on repeating the word i am afraid especially Yvonne and Mun Yee. My sister was keeping herself ready and wanting to be the first one to do it. She choose to tattoo a sunflower with a melody key which is key note in the flower. Its just a stalk of sunflower and inside in the middle of the flower has 1 key note inside of it. Then i got excited, wanting to make one too with them but was worried about my financial too since its not that cheap to make one. I like fairies so i pick some fairy pics and some mermaids which are beautiful and showed it to Yvonne since she hadn't decide what image she should put. All made it with their own representative about themselves and unique in their own way. My sister tattoo at right side of the waist while Yvonne did it at the upper right of her back. Mun Yee is more stronger to choose the nice and painful part which is the middle back part of her body which is near the backside and waist. She put a chinese word which means dance cos she love dancing. I keep looking at each one of them doing the tattoo and was trying to keep the pain away. They try hard to hold those pain to get it nice and perfect. All was beautifully tattooed and i am really so happy for them even i at last didn't get to do it cos Desmond don't allow me to. I understand also why he do not allow me to since he worry that i might get bad impression. So i just listen to him cos i think it true and i told him i plan to do it after marry. Cos i really like this picture i saw there and even plan to make it nicer in my own way. I will show u guys how it looks like and i wanted to tell all of you that after i saw what they have done i really feel like trying to make one myself. I see it i feel its so artistic and it inspires me. The way Jiro do it for them its so gentle and he try his best to be as gentle as he can so that all of them couldn't feel much pain. He is a great guy and we talk about everything the whole day while doing the tattoo. It is really fun but also tired. I waited for them the whole day until almost 8.30pm only we started to go back home. When reach home both Yvonne and Mun Yee drive back to KL. It was really nice meeting them. I hope next time we can hang out together again and i know they will want to tattoo again that time. Those tattoo artist also did say that after you did once you will feel like doing it twice or more cos you will get addicted.
This is Mun Yee's Tattoo..."Dance" in chinese word.


This is Yvonne's Little fairy that she pick and draw some by herself...xD

This is the picture that i planned to tattoo but i also plan to redecorate it using some other image but too bad i cannot do now...>.<>

Sorry...

Sorry for all the trouble i cause you,
Sorry that i am oversensitive since "she" appear again in your life,
Sorry that i am trembling making me out of words to say properly that makes you misunderstood,
Sorry that i have always been silly,
Sorry that i make a bad impression to you,
Sorry for hurting you sometimes,
Sorry for i have been too care about you,
Sorry that i often complains a lot about everything to you since i have no one to complain to,
Sorry for being so full of emotions when it comes to arguing,
Sorry for everything that i have done,
But all comes to one thing,
And the only thing that causes all of this is because,
I really love you so much,
So much until i cannot forgive myself,
That i have keep on blaming myself,
But never blame you even you're the one at fault,
Sorry that i have pamper you in some ways,
I want to change this,
I want to let you know that you cannot just speak to me that way,
You cannot treat me that way just cos,
You have all of me,
Please don't treat me so unfair,
For all these while i don't want to make you feel negative,
I never let you feel yourself is useless even you're younger then me,
I never let you feel insecure,
I never push you hard and stress you so much til as if i am controlling you a lot,
I hope you know that i keep supporting you in every way,
Even thou you hurt me so,
Even thou you make me weak inside,
Til i can lose a lot of myself and my confidence,
But so what?
I am standing tall again to make it right,
Even thou i may speak without using my brain,
And being so clumsy for talking trash,
But still all cos i am trying to explain,
Trying to make things right,
I know i made it worse,
But if i hadn't even bother,
We may end up meaningless,
Or neither of us will understand each other's thoughts,
I know i am a bit slow to catch up with things,
But i do hope that you would know that you may wrong too,
In every way,
And I hope you will be patience in our relationship,
I am sorry that until now i am still shaking inside,
About trusting you,
But i believe that sooner or later i am sure i will be alright,
Cos no matter how shaky i am,
At last i will go back to trusting you,
Cos i want to,
Cos i love you,
For all the tears that i have cried so hard,
For all the pain that i have felt,
For all the suffering that i may have cause by myself,
If you have been patience to me,
Maybe,
Maybe it wouldn't be that hard on me,
Maybe,
You and I wouldn't have any problem,
But i cannot deny that to have long lasting relationship,
Needs a lot of time and solving problems together,
I wish that i can over come this,
Since its my first time having a long-term relationship,
I do want to know you more, Desmond,
For i believe that no matter what,
You will never leave me...
For these...
I am truly sorry...
Please forgive me...
I love you...

Lame Day...

Today is a tired and lame day. All i can think is only to wait for saturday cos its public holiday and i want to rest whole day that day but also plan at night to go out cos too bored. I will be going out with my ex-boyfriend, Danny. Well, he come to visit my shop today in the lunch time and we chatted with my brother and sister along. Before he come, i was telling my sister how mean i am to him after we broke up so we were surprised that after not long he come to visit us. What a surprise? Me and my sister said " Wah he very long live ar?" haha...that was really funny but nothing much about me being mean its just that i told her i never thought i will have such a hard heart just like a stone when that happens. I cannot deny that i felt i am mean that moment and i feel sorry for him so i hope now at least i can do something like being a nice friend to him and of course not more then that...haha...Is is good or bad its still memories that I had before and it remains in my heart, not more than that. He keep asking me where is my bf and ask which part of KL he stays? So i just answer him without feeling anything not right cos i feel we still friends and its alright to talk about my bf since so long already. I never regret had him as friends and my sister was like commenting to me after he went back saying that luckily i didn't choose him to be the right guy cos she can see that he wasn't really kind of liking my brother. My brother is still young and playful so he likes to find guys to play with him since we don't have any other brothers in the family so its obvious he wish to play with some other "brothers" but it seems that he doesn't like to play with him. Desmond gets along with my brother a lot and he likes him a lot too. ^^ Desmond is the only guy that really makes everybody in my family to accept him and i am really happy about that. I am that type of girl that really minds a lot about how my family thinks about my bf. If they don't approve him, i have to you know, not being with him anymore and if i confirm myself too about what my family advise me to. No matter what I still thinks that family don't want us to choose the wrong guy and have hard times around but luckily my family too know about how important it is too to also choose the one you love. Importantly is he must love me more...haha...I want to meet some friends that coming back to Melaka too. I hope they will ask me out when they are back. Really miss them and i just want to spend some time with them since its been so long we last met. Goodnight my friends and thanks for the advise! xD

Kinda Emo~

I cannot find Desmond after i come back from work. I called him but he didn't answer. He must be sleeping, but i saw him on and offline his facebook. I know his pc got problem will keep auto restart and lag but still at least he reply me something in facebook! But he didn't do so and that makes me sad. I have keep calling for him but well i just can let him be then. Maybe he gone to bed early or maybe he got tons of homework to settle. I know his form6 life should me more harder then usual cos i know it since i have been through those before but i am sure his must be harder then mine since he is in the science stream. Well, i have to admit that i don't like seeing him talking with his ex-crush and has anything to do with her but since nothing had happened yet i hope i am not too late to avoid anything bad to happen between us. I know i am oversensitive in some cases but i just don't want any mistakes to happen. I won't be going to KL already this saturday since he also do not agree for me to go there for a day trip cos its wasting money and so i obey him. I want him to know how much he can miss me without seeing me for a month or two but i don't know if he ever does cos he never tell. What makes me happy is his call, his every night call, or sometimes after school call, it really makes me happy knowing that he did think of me and missing me too.
He did have those bad habit not to pick up phone calls for just no reason. He just like to silence his phone all the time and even with vibration it doesn't mean he can hear them. Sometimes he just don't even bother to look at it and he don't like to sms with me, he prefer to call me. >.<
That is just him anyway, Haha... I cannot blame myself for being selfish and i want him all by myself xD Well, I guess it cannot be helped then, since its nature for girl to think that way, in other way jealous!Lolx... I got to be strong and stand up for myself man! He is going to be only mine! Hahaha...Miss him alot! xD

+Memories+

Oh Memories...
Good and bad memories all coming back to me now. Maybe some i have forgotten and some remains fresh in my mind. No matter it is good or bad for me its still remains Sweet cos we live here on earth as a human this is what we have to been through and of course we have to live to the fullest with lots of memories. When we are gone from here all our memories will be banish forever so why can't we just keep it to ourselves and make a good out of it? We can forgive which is bad and be happy for which is good but never make a bad scar in them, while try make it a good scar in them! That is how our memories should be treated well, fair and square. Never blame on anyone for those memories you had for its a really good experience. It makes someone stronger and more kind where you learn to forgive someone. Makes your heart filled with love and happiness will naturally gain from those hearts. Be thankful for all the memories that you had for some other people don't even have their own memories or they get forget easily. Remember those that really cares about you whenever you need someone to be by your side they are always there for you. We are too aware of those that we care so much but wouldn't care less about us. Some people just like a shadow. They always behind of us hiding from us but guiding us, care for us, protect us all the way without us noticing their existence. We should have care more of those people, that will really care for us all the time cos we have turn our backs to them many times while we care too much of those who not really care so much about us. So don't look away anymore, just look right where those that care for you so much more and do not hesitate to even care about them cos they are just the same as you. They too hope you know that they care so much about you and just wants you to realized about it so that you will learn to appreciate them. So try to close your eyes now and think. Imagine those times when you're lonely, hungry, crying, sad, angry and stress, who is the one that is beside you, advising you and provide you all your needs? Yes...you have the right answer...our FAMILY ... No matter what happen to us, no matter what we have lost, they still support us and be there for us like no other, without any conditions. Their love is unconditional.
For this, we should reflect ourselves in it and let our hearts show us the way to be better to them and appreciate them before we lost them. Appreciate all you can before is too late no matter who is that person as long as you know he/she is important to you...

Wonderful Day...=p

I want to say thank you to Dear Desmond for accompany me today the whole day at home, online and on phone. I am really happy dear, for you have accompany me this whole day. Never much leave me, and i consider this is the 1st time you ever accompany me this long. ^^ It really is a nice day today and i didn't regret staying at home whole day just to be with you, just to be on phone with you and playing the same game with you today. Lolx... We suddenly started to enjoy playing Cafe World together in facebook and today whole day was just concentrating on this game most of the time. Today morning i had a bad morning where i woke up at 10am but last night i slept at 4am. It kind of pissed me off for waking up that time but i cannot help it since i cannot sleep anymore. So i woke up and played facebook. I open Desmond's account and send the stickers to my Pet Society. I wanted to see his Cafe World have how many neighbours in it and some other stuffs there. Suddenly i saw his ex-crush's name was in the neighbour's list and i was a shock. I suddenly thought that he played this game cos of her but i was wrong. When he called me at around 1pm i did ask him about how come she's in the list? He says that she is the one who adds him 1st and he didn't even know she did played that game. I blamed myself for being too oversensitive about it. Even thou i said i don't mind and i will never think anything bad anymore but still this negative thoughts are just haunting me. Luckily i didn't accused him on that, instead i let him answer me. Even i don't want to think like i am not trusting him. I asked him a simple question after that. I said i wonder if i ever asked you not to talk to her again, would you do so? And he replied, it doesn't matter since i don't take initiative to even talk to her already and she's not that kind of person will stick to the pc for long. I was relieved to hear that. Its not like i want to be selfish but its just that love makes us selfish sometimes. I just don't want to lose him, to even make myself lose my confidence. That's why i am asking these questions to be well alert of every situation that i am going to face. I am really happy to have you, dear. I am so happy that i still can trust you until now. I hope you will not disappoint me. Then now he is busy doing his homework and the T-shirt design competition that due date was tomorrow. I guess he is going to sleep late again tonight and he must be really tired. Sorry to trouble you again my dear >.<
For dinner I thought my parents would buy some food back home for me and my brother but too bad they did not. I was so hungry back then and now having supper on this late night. Hope i don't get much fatter for eating MCD at this hour. T_T Lolx...
I was kind of angry at my sister for not telling me about that cos i waited for my parents to come back for the food but at last they do not so i was upset about it but since i cannot do anything, i also lazy want to complain much about it since she must be really happy to see her boyfriend come and bring her out for dinner and forget to tell me about it. So i just forget it... Now that i am full already i am totally fine..and sleepy @@ I miss Desmond~ Hope i get to see him next week since my family might be going to KL next week or else i might be going with my sister together by bus then. Hehe...nights all~

What's going on? Haven't i heard about your promises? Or is it promises are meant to be broken? If promises are meant to break then why we make promises? Isn't it better if we hadn't made one? In this world, many promises have been made, some are granted, some are just thrown away, or maybe people just like to deny it and make excuses by giving reasons like i have forgotten or they will think they are right for not making that promises. Under that kind of circumstances, what more can you say when all you can say its "Alright, just forget it! I don't want to argue." It is either frustration or you have felt annoyed by all those words that people gave in for not thinking further and only believe that they are always right. I do believe in promises, but sometimes we tend to get disappointed therefore you wish you never have made them to promise you something. Even if they said they promise without u even asked them to do it, sometimes it just won't go your way. It is sad, it is also makes people weaker in a relationship nor in a simple situation or misunderstandings. We wish we never have made promises too cos we don't want to hurt people. Either way both will get hurt no matter who made the promise or who obeys to the promise its just the same. When you felt hurt its either you will feel yourself useless or feel insecure for those promises. Then you will want to change everything and make things right but worse come to worse, you might ruin everything so what will you do? Keep your mouth shut? Or try to persuade someone that you will never do the same mistakes again? You know its impossible, you know you might break it, and you are very sure that human does mistakes but what makes us not to do it, its by controlling everything in us.
Sometimes you just wish that everything will goes well, will be perfect, no mistakes and yes you can do it. Then suddenly you luck has gone out of nowhere it blends into a disaster, like an unknown natural disaster. People can be tolerate at a lot of things and be patience for all the things that have happen even in the past but how long can you tend to stand all this? We human have our own limits on everything and that what makes us human. When things got worse both or everyone will starts to complain and make the whole situation becomes a complete complication cos of a lot of mix feelings. Then, here comes the Mr. Violence that wants to make the situation into a disaster. After that, people will start to realized that it isn't that perfect after all and they will start to lose confidence on themselves and also towards others. Self-esteem will become low too, and Mr. Negative will come. By this moment everyone will start seeking for help and care just from anybody. Then hope that they will find a Mr. Positive that can give optimistic advises and give them courage to find the new way. No matter what hope is always there for us to makes us stronger and to face all the difficulties in our lives.
I am writing this not because of wanting to let you guys to think more or stress you guys with lots of thoughts or anger or disappointment but to tell you guys to be aware and always get ready in which ever circumstances that you all going to face. Always learn to forgive others wrong and to learn to always be positive in every way as you can as long as it does not hurt you. I have to admit its much easier to say then to do cos me, myself couldn't always be that way too. I know its hard to be that way but at least we tried right? I am sure that all of us can at least move on our life with bigger dreams and brighter thinking in every way. I wish that we will learn how to appreciate others and ourselves too so that we won't be putting so much hope on others. We have to be clear to ourselves that no matter what happen remember to put much effort in everything that we do so that miracle will find us one day =)

Melaka Public Holiday...

Today is Melaka's public holiday and i'm here stuck at home doing nothing at all. I thought i can wake up late today but got to wake up early cos some customer from Muar need to take his goods here and I have to open the shop door for him. So mum woke me up at 9.30am to get ready myself to go to the shop along with my sisters of course. xD After that we went to Old Town coffee shop to have our branch and to the morning market to buy some vegetables to cook at night. Actually i planned to go to visit my Desmond today but he wouldn't let cos he don't wanna cos trouble since the last time i went to his house i got a fight with my mum. My mum just wanna protect me since his mum dosen't agree me with Desmond cos he is still studying so his mum wants him to concentrate on his studies. Then now to prevent causing trouble, Desmond disagree with my idea going there. I wasn't that happy at 1st but after that i'm ok cos i agree with him since i really don't wanna trouble him anymore. Me too don't wanna cause trouble since i already told my mum that i might be going to KL on my birthday this year since Desmond can't be coming down to Melaka. I am not sad about it since i know he really don't have money already and its really hard for him since he don't work anymore. It makes me wonder where he got so much money to spend on some of the things like daily stuffs, books and all those school things. Well, even if i ask he will say don't know and said its magic. Haha... Well i guess its all the money he has kept long when he work last time and slowly spend it by now so i don't plan to worry about his money now. Maybe i'm just worry about that day going to KL for my birthday, i don't know if he has the money to spend or not. I kinda worry about that cos on that month itself he's gonna spend like RM300+ for his school compulsory trip to Taman Negara and he will be camping there for a few days. Then on December he will be attending another club trip to go to Perak's Summit Hotel where they play at the beach there, but it has not been confirm yet. I also not sure where is it and the name of the hotel, i kinda forget it already haha... My apologize... So now, i not sure whether is it ok to go to KL on my birthday. I really do wanna go so that i can get to celebrate with him but in the meantime i also thinking about his budget and all. Maybe i will just have to spend on my own or maybe spend my birthday this year alone with my family without him, then maybe when Xmas i can celebrate my birthday and also our 2nd anniversary together xD
I hope its not a bad idea at all. I know he wanted to celebrate with me that's why he end up making the plan by asking me to go to KL. At 1st my mum kinda disagree but i told her that Melaka got nothing to play here but KL got a lot of things there then she kept quiet thinking that i am giving her a good reason to celebrate there even thou she said i'm stupid = =
Well, i don't think its very stupid anyway, it really dosen't matter where i'l be celebrating as long as i can celebrate with everyone i guess, i am happy that way. =p
Now i don't know what to do on my this boring day, i wish i can just sleep whole day but i can't afford to do that cos in my mind always got things to do instead = = I don't know maybe already get used to being a deep thinker. I wanna rest on the bed but its like in my heart i can feel that i sure got things to do later then it makes me restless. >.<
I still remember that time when we go to David Archeleta's concert, i broke my high heels and i have to wear his slippers to walk from Sunway to Usj back to his house while he bare feet. OMG that time really i feel so pity and PAIN cos he is suffering for my sake! Lucky when we walk to Summit that time around there got a buddhist society and he went in there to lend a pair of slippers. He cannot wear cos its too small so we exchange the shoe but it also was kinda small for me but its still fits fine just that its not enough long the length. Then i told him that i wanna buy a new pair of slippers when we go to Summit to have out dinner there but he disagree cos he don't want me to waste my money but i insist cos i don't wanna wear his 1 and only pair of slippers back to Melaka so we went to Giant to buy a RM10 slipper. Haha... After that we go back to his house and i take a bath there and straight go to pudu back to Melaka. Its a 1day trip, its tiring but its worth for me cos i really very happy that for my sake even thou he don't like to go to the showcase but for me he still goes and i cause him trouble too. I was really touch about that unexpected incident but it really was romantic >.< steep =" ="">.<

This Year's Valentine's Day- 2009.

This moment is the hardest moment for me to ever forget it. I will never forget it and i will not allow myself to even forget about it. It was the most amazing moment in the very first time in my life. I wish every year would be this amazing. xD I wanted to blog this for a very long time already but i always been busy and lazy! Haha... It was my 1st time celebrating Valentine's day for real in real life with Desmond. I went to KL to find him as we choose to celebrate it there, so when i reach there, he bring me to Submit. We hang out there and while walking we were discusssing what we gonna have for lunch. He asked me what i want to eat while i really have no idea of what food do they have there since i saw alot of nice restaurant there. Suddenly i remember about the butter chicken rice he said was very nice there even before i go there so i asked if we could try the dish cos since i very long haven't had that dish. Then he agrees it. I was excited and happy, wondering what he will give me. I already cannot wait to give him my gift to him cos i already wrapped it nicely not only in a box but also in a lovely paper bag. I already handed his gift to him but i don't want him to even open it 1st til i went back Melaka only i allowed him to do so. Suddenly he says that he need to go and find his friend and he ask me to go that restaurant myself 1st. I said i dun even know how to go there how u expect me to go that place alone? Then he said I will bring you there then we order the food then you wait me there for awhile ok? Then i said ok. So after we have order our food, he went out, wondering when he will be back. I didn't wonder much cos he said he's going to find some friends that working in the cinema since he also work there part time. But i do still wonder about his gift for me...While thinking about him, suddenly i felt something on my right side, i got a shock seeing he held a bunch of flowers with him. It is not really a flower but its 6 little piggies which can even speak "I love you" when u press its stomach and in the middle a purple heart shape toy wrapped together like a flower using pink color wrappers and soft feathers around it. I was totally amazed cos i never had such thing in my life since i really wants something like that. I was so happy and thank him. There are only a couple and 2girls which is customers that time in the restaurant and they were just looking smiling at me. I am totally embarrassed since it didn't happen before like this in my past love life. I am so shy and holding that thing around walking in the complex...argh so embarrassing...everyone was just looking at me holding the cute, pretty piggy flowers...lolx...That was really the best moment ever...after that we went to his house and have some rest. Then in the night we went to Daorae, a Korean BBQ Restaurant...forgotten the spelling..might have error(paiseh), and i really enjoy the food there. Even thou he is younger then me and still studying but he really have the ability to give me this much, i am really happy. Even older guys that i have dated before don't have that ability, and its not like he is from a rich family but he is an independent guy. He save up all his part time job $ to give me all he can but now since its time to get serious on his studies and he can't find a job that can cope with his time now, he is too busy so he can't find $. Well its not that important, as long as he knows what he need to do and we are happy i guess there are no worries.. xD

This is how the gift looks like...

Unexpected!!!

Today my mum told me that our foreign worker will not be working anymore and i was numb to hear that. I know that we cannot rely forever on them but still...its like without them me and my sister will have to work really hard from now on. Its gonna be totally different and its gonna be damn hard. I hope i can deal with this. Maybe God has some secret message from me by doing all this. Its really so sudden! I almost cannot believe it but its really cannot be avoid cos they need to go back to their family to settle their own problems there. Many things had happen there that they don't even know...its hard for them too, I can see that...

After all this while, it really had happen...and i guess this is what all of us fear of. Everything gonna be slow now and its end of the year...many work to be done...but human resource are so few. I hope we can get to go through this...its not like we never been to this hard before but maybe cos we already begin to get used to the easy life and to back on track its so...suffering...>.<

Sometimes i feel like wanna fly away from here...waiting for that someone to take me away but i know its not going to be easy and i got to wait for so long...No matter what i will wait for him and love him as long as i can. I know that our relationship is going to be harder then other people cos our challenges are mainly harder then others but i know we can go through this and we will never regret. Hari raya is gonna end tomorrow and he gonna starts school by then. A lot of things in my mind now whether is missing him or planning things for him to come back for the next visit, I don't know...but all i know is i'm thinking of him, about him...everything...I hope he knows that too...that I've been missing him badly ever since i come back from KL which is to his house.

I cannot deny how much freedom i feel being there sometimes that helps me to release some stress and being pampered there...I guess its every girls dream to be pampered by her love ones xD I wonder isit guy's nature to being selfish? Or isit human nature? Maybe you who read my blog will give me that answer...Tell me what do u guys think? For me i do agree that somehow guys are much more selfish then girls...but it still depends...

One Moment In Time...

Look around you and smile...And always remember to smile even thou you are pain in your heart or even you are moody...just smile...^^

Read that phrase? What do you think when u read it? Something makes u realized that something right? Or is it just some normal words that pop up from my mind? But there is always meaning behind each words, not just 1 but many...Ok lets not just talk about the phrase cos the main point is not only i want to remind you to stay happy but also i want to tell you how i feel today...in this room...alone...

I am actually not thinking of anything...more to like empty minded..but you want to know something? In between those emptyness i am actually thinking alot of things...which i am excited about...haha...

The 1st thing is that i am so happy that i am going to have a new phone soon and not only a new phone...but a couple phone with my bf, Desmond. We promise each other that we would buy the same new model of phone by time we have enough money and buy it with different color. At 1st the plan was that he buy black and i will buy red...but now he like silver more then the black 1 so he bought the silver 1 already and he was totally happy. While me, i am going to get it by this coming thursday. So i am totally excited on it...even i have told my bf about it. It was the new SEW995 my favourite slide phone ^^

The 2nd thing is that i am going to KL this coming sunday to Pavillion...and i was hoping to get to meet my bf and we might go to watch Harry Potter using our gold class ticket that we had won earlier. I am going there by car with my whole family so i am really happy about it. I just hope my bf will come since we haven't meet for like about 1-2months already...

The 3rd thing is that i am excited about my bf coming to melaka next month for a visit...and maybe if he can he will stay for a week since he is on holiday...I hope that would be confirm..hehe..

The 4th thing is that i am so happy that my bf finally tell me what i should know about what he really feels about my mistakes and what happen in game. I want to try to make it right now and the best is i hope is a new beginning for both of us in game to start all over again to make him feel right...cos i really don't want to play game alone>.<
I know he is busy and all that but still i really wish he could spend more time with me not only in game but at nite when i need a lullaby =p
I am a spoiled gal >.< haha not really anyway...we did well by tolerating each other...and finally i realized that he always do think about my feelings...cos i always thought he is so selfish and always think he is right!LOLX
But somehow he still thinks about me...thats wat i love about him most...no matter what he said to hurt me..but still he will treat me right...like i always wanted him to treat me...
He always tries his best to fullfil all my dreams...and also his own dreams...

These moment not always we can see or hear or know by feelings...cos its one moment in time where suddenly it comes to you and tell you what you really need to know and listen to everything that is going to be happen...not only in the past but also in ther future...but no matter what happens in the past..it remains history...while the future is to make it better...even if you fail...you always must remember to stand up for love and to keep holding on til..you know it is forever...when you are hurt...always look back the times you n him are always happy...those moment...those happiness..that you will never forget in your life...that remains and to show you how powerful it is of the Power of Love~
There you will the see how you will forgive someone u love the most...and keep loving him steadily and longer...So..remember to always appreciate the one you love cos maybe...in the future you know you won't find another him..or the memories that you want it to be...cos it will always be different...no matter it is good or bad...it will always be different...

Best Times^^

You will never know..when is the best times because you might face alot of best times or maybe you have face it but you didn't realised it until someone told you and u felt it. That kinda feeling is so beautiful and its really unexpected. When you thought you cannot see him again due to lots of things happening around both of you or there is a great challenge between both of you that stop you and him to meet or even to feel the love again..which is impossible for you to want to bring back the old times...You and him struggle to gain again the love that is going to be unseen...its not that is fading or gone...its just unseen for there are so many things coming tru both of you that you don't want to get hurt or shall I say you don't want to hurt both feelings. These things will stop you and him to even share about it and makes both you and him to be less communicate. After this you will see one of you will be thinking negatively but the other has a postitive sight of view. You cannot blame yourself or even stop that feeling but you got to learn to control it. It is really hard but what i am facing is actually not as hard as what he is facing. I finnally understand all the hot and cold he is treating me. Not only that..i begin to learn from all that he has done to me. He is hurting himself too actually...for me to feel his pain is really hurting..all the coldness he felt..makes me cold..but if i think positively..its not cold..its more to realising and changing...sometimes you just don't want to change cos you are afraid of changes but sometimes changes are good...not only for you alone but so for others. I know..the main point he wants me to change is not just about growing up or being mature...its more to being unpampered so much til you lost yourself or you can say its for the future..cos he wants me to bring this feeling, this thinking til the day we will meet our future. He wants me to stay that way so that i will be strong to face everything by myself when he cannot be there for me..i know not everyone can be there for each other..and when he said i'm talking rubbish..is not that he don't want to hear them..or even insult the things i said..its just that he don't wan to know to hurt himself or me either..he rather wants to be alone in his deep sleep where he can just forget all his stress and all the things that is bad that is going tru between us. Its not about avoiding..its about whats good for both of us...He don't show...he don't say...how he really felt for me or even wat he thinks..cos he is so sure that i have alot of faith in him that i don't need all that...but he knows when n what i really need when the time comes...he don't want to lose everything...in his eyes its only me all the while..even whatever reasons he gave...eventually not realising it..its stil comes back to me me me...Its not about blaming..its about treasuring and sacrificing your love to the person you love most by not hurting her a single bit...even the tears that i cry..might not as hurting and as painful as the ones that he don't want to tell me...
I was silly all the while not knowing how much it all meant to him...and even thinks that he has changed...he chose not to meet me often just because he don't want to miss me so much...til he cannot study..the feeling he kept inside that he don't want to show is to control his feelings for me..Somtimes i really wish he can just don't control it..but i know if he don't do so..he might cannot study well... I don't want him to do that way too...i really want him to success...I will be waiting...Last night we met in Mid Valley..i got a shock when he touch my back while i was eating..he gave me a big surprise by bumping to me like that..but i was so happy...we haven't meet for about 1 or 2 months and i'm missing him. When i met him yesterday..i really don't feel like doing much in the mall..all i want is to just look at him...hug him and kiss him...but of course it didn't really turn out that way haha...he hold my hand tight...he brings me around...thought we might get to watch GOLD CLASS ticket that day but its too late cos i might not get to catch up the train later to go back to my grandma's house...he follow me to Kepong and go back to Subang by himself..i was touch...not only cos all the things he has done for me..but also...the way i know how much he missed me...i didn't really notice it..til my sister told me that she can see how much he misses me...I am really happy...not much can be talked but i don't really need that...to hold his hands to be in his arms that matters to me by then..that is all i really need that time...
I cannot remember when was the David Archeleta's mini concert..but i remember it was the best time i ever had...cos even i had a bad day that day it still touches my heart alot...1st he actually don't wanna go there...but cos me at last he do come with me...2nd my heels broke..and i don't have any shoes to wear..thought il just walk without any shoes but he gave me his shoes and he walk all the way from Sunway to Submit without any shoes...gosh his foot must have hurts alot..then he got to lend a pair of shoes from the temple...he cannot wear it cos its too small so i we exchange..got ourselves dinner then head to Giant to get a pair of new slippers for me before we go back to his house for some rest then i head home...Wow that was like OMG...even that day i enjoy my best japanese food there in Sunway...at the Sakae Sushi..i take a few pics there...hehe..i was so happy..really happy^^ This are some few pics...enjoy guys^^













































This is me and him in the restaurant...hehe some i took without his notice...haha
Wanna see some david's pictures?^^ Here~ i Hope is clear hehe..

-Port Dickson Trip-

Lying here…feeling the wind blowing so strong that I could feel it wll rain soon at this place…the sea..the moon…the beautiful stars..i can see it from here and also the strong wave that have been hitting on the ground over and over again non-stop. I wish I could be here forever…its like a never ending night that full with calm and lots of relaxation. I am here in PD now with my family. Surprisingly I have been finding each and everywhere to get a good connection but failed. So I have to type all this up in my microsoft word before uploaded it to my blog by tomorrow. I wish my bf was here with me to enjoy this moment and this view but too bad he had to work and he don’t have much money to come and enjoy this with me now. Maybe next time we may have the chance to spend this kind of moment together here like this without any stress and just u and me…

This kind of feeling now is so peaceful and quiet… I don’t know when it will end but maybe if I am lucky I may get to see the sun rise in the morning for the first time ^^ The wind is still so blowing strong and its like it would not stop. Listening to the strong wave and listening to my songs its just so nice and relaxing. I cannot help it but to think of this moment only. I was thinking how nice if I could sleep here until I wake up in the morning to see the sunrise too. It must be the best moment in my life to experience this. There was a few houses there on the sea where they specially build their home there to get a nearer view on the sea and the best they even got their own private boat with bridge nearby to get into it. It looks fun, that I wish I will have this kind of house next time in the future. The house was specially built on the sea and link to a nearby apartment that is a hotel too where u can rent a boat there to have a ride on it. Its really beautiful not because of the house but because of its built that way and you can really feel that u wanted to swim from there to the shore. Its not easy as it seems but I can see that its fun living there where u can see the roads to the nearby hotel. The place I lived is called The Regency Hotel and its an apartment where you have 2 rooms and 2 bathrooms. I love the swimming pool the most because its link to the beach. You can simply ran over the beach and enjoy your swim there or either way to the swimming pool only. Then from my apartment’s balcony I can see the lovely beach and the roads at night seem more beautiful then the day because of the car lights on the street. My room has 2 beds, even thou its small but its kind of nice to sleep. Its still comfortable to be, better than the last time we came here to stay in a hotel that have their own waterpark. Its nice for kids only but this its nice for both kids and adults. You even can enjoy alcoholic drinks here in a café nearby the beach. It’s a wow cos you can feel the sea breeze while enjoying your meal or drinks here. You even can enjoy chatting with your friends or family here and look at the beach views with lovely coconut trees everywhere. Dear how I wish u were here with me…I really miss u so much. I wish I can see you right now and enjoying this moment with me. Not only that, I really want to hug u so much but I know I cannot. I will because of you to bare all that is happening now in our life and I know we both can make it. I really hope that whatever is happening now to us will end soon so that we both can really be together, showed to your mum and let her accept that I am your gf. Maybe all I hope is for her to willing to let you to have this relationship with me now. I know its not that she don’t like me or what so ever and I am very clear that she do this cos u need to study. She was just so worry about your future and I know about that. I really do hope I can bare with all this cos this is what you need me to do right? I wish I am strong enough to not meeting you long enough and I hope if there’s any chance I will get to meet you. These days of your holidays, I am happy enough that we get to spend most of the time together and get a lot of bitter sweet memories that I won’t forget. Its so sweet that even to think about it would make me smile ^^

I wonder how you doing there now…are u hungry? Do you take care of yourself well? Do you think about me as often as I am? Do you have any hard times on your work? Dear please eat well and be well all the time cos I really don’t want you to fall sick soon when I am not there to see you. I know you are a big man, you can take care of yourself but still I want to remind you. Maybe I sound like a little noisy to you but I hope you can bare with me. I feel sleepy now but I cannot sleep because my parents and others will not get into the house without the key since the key is with me. I am so bored too..wish I could online now but I cannot…now I know why and how come those book arthurs get lots of idea. Now I can feel like I am myself as an authur…lolx. Its great to feel that way at least now I know where to get inspirations most of the time. At least to write it, you got to have this kind of place to write well haha. I am tired now…I think I will stop here..sleeping time^^

-Lost Of Words-

I am quite happy today because he has made me laugh but still i can feel he don't have much things to talk to me already. I don't know whether is it because he has lost of words to say since we have been talking about everything about ourselves in the past so i wonder have time made this happen? It is silly of me to even think about all this ridiculious stuffs but i know i cannot helped it when each time he was busy at work i called, he will say yes anything? Its as if like when i called its always a matter. I called just to care n to let him know that i have been missing him. That's all that sometimes i would love to say. I don't know is it i have made him stress about needing some money for my sister's birthday and mother's day celebration fund. I felt guilty too and i want him to know that it dosen't matter about the money because all i want is for him to come back and celebrate this together. I am taking this advantage to see him actually for i am worry that i could hardly see him again. I do wish that he felt the same way and i know he will try his best to made it. I know he will make a lot of plans there to get into schedule and i hope he do miss me too. I have dinner with my middle sister tonight and we have talk about our plans to buy which phone for my youngest sister's birthday gift. We wasn't sure what kind of model phone we want to buy for her because of the budget and so on. Then i went back home face my favorite game again which is Rose online while hoping he would online. Before dinner he did call me twice, first about asking me why i'm looking for him and another about my sister's birthday present. I am happy that he tries to find the good and perfect and worth to buy phone as a gift for her. >.<
He called me again and i am so happy that he called me back. I wonder what took him so long to call me again since i cannot find him in game. Then he told me he was asleep because he is very tired then i am feeling better. I really miss him a lot that i wish i could hug him now to sleep and just listen to him talk. I rather be quiet because his voice could really makes me feel happy cos its so cute!!! Tomorrow i will be going to Port Dickson for 2day 1 night so i might not be blogging tomorrow but i will do it after i am back home ^^

-Alon3-

Today i have choose to be alone at home. I don't know what am i thinking lately or maybe this is what i have thought since yesterday that makes me want to be all alone today. I am not sure whether is it my body that makes me feel this or is it how my bf treat me lately. He might sound like nothing happen and he is just fine as he always do. I know he is very busy with his work life because of us and soon he is going to back to school again for his A-Levels. I am trying to be understanding but i cannot helped myself not thinking negatively for a moment. I guess all girls are like that once in a while. Surprisingly it made me to write this blog and i have choose to write it here this website where all the bloggers do. I love to write especially about my feelings because i hardly get to express my feelings since i don't think i am that good in communicating when it comes to this kind of matters. Even we might want to find someone to talk to but you just know it wasn't enough because all the matters you going to talk about again its like its been repeated all over again. In this way i can express it in different kind of way. I am really tired today from working. I don't know is it because i didn't get to hear his voice today. I have been missing him as usual but i know i cannot do anything about it. He is far from me and it took around 2hours ride from my place to his place. It is not that impossible for us to meet but its always money that comes to priority because without it he cannot take bus to come here and have expenses here. Those money that he is keeping now is for us to get a new handphone and also for his own use when his going to starts school. I am really sad thinking that we might not meeting each other sa often as we do for these few months of his holidays. When school starts, we cannot meet each other anymore and i cannot have his confirmation on anything at all about us get to meet up. I know it will be hard for us but i don't know why i feel its so easy for him while i cannot take it.
Sometimes i feel myself so selfish about it and being not understanding. I cannot control my emotions its because i cannot helped it when i am getting worried over a lot of things that is going to happen soon. Even thou it is not going to be true or what so ever, but still i don't hope it to happen. I really love him. I just want him all by myself but i know its not going to work that way. I want to be patience in everything but i really cannot helped it when he treat me cold. I know he was facing mood swing last night that he don't talk much on the phone to me last night when i received his call at 4 in the morning. He slept late and i wonder what he was doing at home until that late to sleep? I know he might be playing games or checking his stuffs for his A-level or even reading his favorite comics but still, i feel insecure. I want to know from him and he don't want to tell. I know i cannot force him but i don't feel good. I don't like it that way so i am getting tired and just continue to sleep leaving him to himself til he finally slept. I am not sure what time he really gets to sleep but some how he sleep for 12hours then he woke up gave me a good morning message. You might think its enough for me but it is not because i want him to call me and to talk to me. I call a few times for him already but still no response. He pick up my call when its evening already today and he told me he was working now. I know he might have night shift since he works in cinema as a part time worker but still i do want him to tell me yesterday about this. He gave me an excuse saying i already sleep so if he told me i also cannot hear it anymore. I said u can tell me earlier right?I told him that i am not happy and tired of his bad mood that is why i went to bed early. Then he said he is busy for work already got to go and he said will call me later. Fine! I might be happy to hear his voice then and i must be patience cos he is really busy working. Maybe i really don't want him in the future because of work don't care about me anymore. I know i have been worrying about this a lot since i have read a story about something like this.
It is ridiculous. Being alone can just think about a lot of things. I might not be a good blogger or a good story writer or journalist like i want to be but i will try to do the best i can. Maybe u guys can helped me out to do the best^^
What i really want is to have a good book in the future...
My bf is really a nice guy but sometimes he really have bad habits that i don't like. It dosen't matter right?As long as you know that you have love the right person , i think all is worth to be and nobody is perfect in this world only GOD. We are only human and human make mistakes sometimes.